


In the Middle, Between Right and Left

by Nbdydsntlk



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friend Chanyeol, Eventual Fluff, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Misunderstandings, New in town Jongin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slice of Life, Work In Progress, Workplace Sexual Harassment, broken kaisoo, side chanbaek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-07 06:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nbdydsntlk/pseuds/Nbdydsntlk
Summary: Kim Jongin has always been the creative, artist type, a writer, and more of a free spirit, who wants to taste all the flavors of life, no matter how messy. It is his first day as the new literature teacher at a high school and he wants the chance to inspire his students with this view. It is Do Kyungsoo’s first day back to start a new year at the same high school where he works as a science teacher, but he is the organized and efficient type, someone you can always count on to get things done, who counts on logic and facts, and wants to inspire his students to work smarter rather than harder. These two haven’t seen each other since college when their relationship came down to one moment, when Jongin walked out and Kyungsoo never went after him.





	1. KJI

**Author's Note:**

> This was for a Kaisoo ficfest but I never finished it because I chickened out when I fell behind on the deadline and then I always felt guilty. It has been on my laptop for a couple of years now, and I decided to buck up and try again. Unfortunately, I do not remember the name of the author of the prompt but it was, "Jongin starts as a language teacher at a new school where Kyungsoo is a science teacher." If she ever sees this, I hope she forgives me for abandoning the project and I'll do my best to make it up to her. The story seems to be sorting itself out nicely in my head, so I hope I will be able to post somewhat regularly. I expect this to be long and multi-chaptered because that is my favorite type of story to read. Also posted on asianfanfics, if I may cross-promote.

            “No, no, no… this just can’t happen,” Jongin mumbled to himself.  His hands flew along the kitchen counter, moving first the toaster and then the coffee maker, quickly scanning behind each one and then muttering a curse when he found nothing behind them.  “This just can’t happen today, not today,” he groaned, pushing through the pile of mail as a few pieces slipped off the counter and fluttered to the floor.  “AAAAAAAAAAH!!  Dammit!!  Where are my KEYS?” he screamed as he kicked his satchel which skidded across the tile floor with a distinct scraping sound of metal, even though the case was made entirely of leather.  Jongin froze.  Taking a couple of tentative steps, he reached down to grab the handle of the bag to look underneath it and yes, finally – the ring with his keys for his apartment, his car, and the shiny new one for work.  Snatching them up, he clutched them to his chest and muttered, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” As he reached down to grab his lunch bag as well, he checked around one more time to make sure he had everything and then headed out the door of his apartment and to the elevator doors.

            Since he knew that mornings were always his worst time of day because he would far rather ignore alarm clocks for all of eternity, Jongin had organized everything the night before to be completely prepared for this morning, a Monday morning, and the first day of a brand-new job.  He had laid out his clothes, which is something he simply never did, packed a good, healthy lunch, and organized all the papers and supplies in his satchel.  Hell, he had even checked his phone a dozen or so times during the night to make sure that it would be fully charged by the time he woke up and the alarm on it was set to get him up a little early, just in case.  Everything had gone smoothly until he was ready to leave and he couldn’t find those damn keys.  He had put them next to the satchel so that he could find them in the morning and then promptly forgot about them the moment they left his fingers.  As the elevator descended and Jongin anxiously watched the digital numbers count down the floors, he sighed, “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men,” his favorite line from Robert Burns’s poem “To a Mouse,” and allowed himself to smile and shake off the aftereffects of his earlier panic.

            When he found his older model car in the parking garage, he dove into the driver’s seat and tossed his leather bag and the insulated pouch holding his carefully packed food into the passenger’s seat, not caring that it ricocheted off the opposite door and tumbled to the floorboard.  With a quick glance over each shoulder, he jolted out of his parking place and headed to the main road.  This was the same car he had driven while he was in college and he knew he would still be driving it a bit longer.  The new job he was starting that day was not one he had chosen because of a big salary or the chance to have power and prestige.  He was not aiming for a corner office with tall glass windows and a view of the city.  Jongin knew he would never have a pretty secretary doing his typing for him and he was resigned to probably having to always run his own copies.  But still, he had landed his dream job.  He was going to be a teacher, a literature teacher in a high school.  His parents had been a little shocked when he came home over a break and told them he wanted to change his major to literature and get his teaching credentials.  They tried to talk him out of it, but his love of the world of richly crafted novels, tales of life and loss, vanquishing and vanquished heroes, and the inner workings of the minds of complex characters that stayed with him long after a book was finished, and his desire to share that world had won out. 

            After he passed the interview and accepted the offered position in a city a couple of hours drive from home, Jongin had hunted for a place to live that would be convenient to the school and had lucked into an apartment just a mile or so away.  It was a blessing this morning as it took him only minutes to make it to the staff parking lot.  He cut off the engine, bent down to retrieve his lunch off the passenger side floor, and pulled the strap of his satchel over his right shoulder. Closing his eyes, he took a deep, full breath and slowly let it out, trying to quell his nervousness.  “You’ve got this.  You’re ready,” he said firmly but quietly to only himself and then shook away the last of his morning anxiety as he opened the car door and stood up to head into the building with the other teachers who were also arriving to start the new year.  He easily slid into his natural personality and charm as he waved across the cars to the middle-aged woman whom he had already met and knew was going to be the head of his department.  She looked a little shocked for a moment and then recovered with a girlish smile and blushing of her cheeks as she wiggled her fingers as a greeting in return.  Jongin merely chuckled to himself because he was used to the effect of his startling good looks on women, and men, both young and old.  He never liked to use it to his advantage, but it was still a little fun to see it in action.

            The campus was already lively with staff members rushing about with carts of books, stacks of papers and boxes of supplies, but the students wouldn’t arrive until the next week.  This was the time for the teachers to attend the beginning of the year meetings and to prepare their own individual classrooms, which always seem to reflect a bit of the teacher’s own personal style.  Jongin’s room was in the Language Studies wing of one of the double story, right angle-shaped buildings, so luckily, he was very near the parking lot.  He noted this advantage and hoped he wouldn’t often run late and need to use this benefit.  The adjacent wing of his building held the Social Studies department which included all the history classes along with government, sociology, and economics.  Across the courtyard was an exact mirror image of his building which was the realm of the Math and Science departments.  The rear of the school also had identical but mirror-imaged twin buildings and housed the Fine Arts, Performance Arts, Home and Family Sciences and Physical Education.  The four buildings formed a giant capital letter H, if someone were to take a giant pencil and connect all the lines together.  Jongin had already decided that he was going to have to be somewhat lenient on tardies for the students who were coming from the back buildings and trying to make it to his class on time.  He doubted even the school’s best sprinters on the track team could cover that distance in five minutes.

            Jongin had barely unlocked his classroom, turned on the light, and set his bags on his new desk when someone popped her head around the corner and called, “Yoo-hoo! Mr. Kim!” He spun around quickly since he was caught off guard and he saw the same woman from the parking lot, his department chair Mrs. Kim, standing in the doorway with several other, but younger, women vying to get a peek around her shoulders.  “Oh, my!  Mr. Kim!  I just love that.  I always wanted to have a handsome son like you. Since we have the same family name, maybe I’ll just pretend that you are my son,” she giggled as if she were actually one of the students at this school instead of one of the head teachers.  “I wanted to introduce you to the other members of the Language Studies department, and lucky for you,” she added with a wink, “they’re all female and few are still single!”

            Holding back a snicker at the irony of that statement, he bowed, introduced himself to the group, and made his best attempt to remember the names of the women as Mrs. Kim introduced them one-by-one and explained which courses they taught.  Despite his efforts, he quickly forgot each name as Mrs. Kim moved to the next one in line, as he usually did when meeting new people.  “Thank you very much for welcoming me,” he said as he shook each of their hands and finally added, “I will work hard and I hope to learn much from your knowledge and experience in the classroom.  Let’s work well together.” After the last bow, he stood upright and gave them all his best genuine smile because he really did believe these colleagues would be his best resources and chances for survival as a first-year teacher and so far, they seemed welcoming and kind.  There was a barely audible collective gasp followed by a long pause as the ladies took in his full height and broad shoulders, his face with a well-defined jawline, perfect nose, arresting smile, sincere brown eyes, and smooth, richly warm skin tone.  He was flawless.

            “Well, ahem!” Mrs. Kim broke the uncomfortable silence. “Shall we all walk down to the lecture hall for the start of school meeting with the rest of the faculty?  We usually sit together as a department.”

            “Oh, thank you so much.  I’d love to,” Jongin answered, much to the delight of his captive audience. “I don’t know my way around completely yet.”

            “Oh!  We’ll show you!” one of the younger teachers enthusiastically offered. “We started here just a couple of years ago ourselves, so we know how it feels to be new.  You can even eat lunch with us in the faculty lunchroom if you would like!  There is a refrigerator and a microwave and a big table where we all sit together.”

            “We can walk you there when the bell rings for lunch," another of the ladies gushed, with a fluttering of eyelashes and a rising tint of pink on her cheeks.  "It rings at 12:05 and my room is right across the hall, so I’ll come to get you when it is time to leave."

            Jongin turned to her and nodded.  “I would like that very much,” he said.  “Nothing is worse than being the new kid on the first day, holding a tray while standing in the middle of the lunchroom and wondering where to sit,” he added with a lopsided smile and lilt of sympathy in his eyes for anyone who has ever had to endure that.

            Another teacher with a short bob of mostly greying hair, a gruff no-nonsense voice, and who had probably been around the school for longer than anyone else reached over and patted him on the arm. “Don’t you worry dear.  You are the first man we have had in Language in a very long time and you’ll probably get more attention and home cooked food than you’ll know what to do with.  In the last several years, all of the other departments snapped up the good-looking, eligible bachelors before we even got a pick.”  She turned to the younger female teachers, knitted her eyebrows together in seriousness, and warned, “Yes, yes, yes, he is very handsome, but give the gentleman a little room to breathe this year, understood ladies?” 

            “Yes, Mrs. Lee,” they all chorused together, casting their eyes downward as if they were scolded young students in ponytails and uniforms instead of teachers themselves at this school. 

            Mrs. Lee turned and hooked her arm in Jongin’s and began to lead the way to the lecture hall.  It reminded him of when he had escorted his grandmother to her seat at his older sister's wedding.  “Come on now,” she ordered.  “Let’s go show those old biddies in Science and Performing Arts that this year Languages might finally give them some fierce competition for the Best-looking Male Staff Member on Campus award.”  Jongin couldn’t help but laugh as they walked off down the hall and he wondered if sexual harassment guidelines were going to be covered in these first few meetings, just in case.


	2. DKS & PCY

           Kyungsoo always thought it was nice to have vacation time to go back home and visit his family, but he was glad to be back at work to start a new year.  Even though he has been working as a teacher at a high school for a couple of years now, he always had to listen to his parents and older relatives talk about how he was “wasting” his science degree and his talent on being “just a teacher.” They always said he could have been so many other things and could have made so much more money if he had just chosen his career more wisely.  He tried to not let it upset him anymore and he had given up trying to explain to them why he loved teaching so much.  As he pulled into the faculty parking lot at school for the first day back, he let out a soft sigh and a slight smile spread across his lips.  He grabbed the bento box that held his lunch and the pile of papers and books that he had on the passenger seat.  This was the start of his third year at the school and he was excited to start because he felt like he was finally getting the hang of teaching and he couldn’t wait to see his list of new students.

            He was barely out of the driver’s seat when he heard, “DO!!  KYUNG!!  SOO!! SHI!!” literally screamed across the parking lot.  Kyungsoo didn’t have to even look up to know that it was his best friend at work, but also the biggest nuisance of his existence, Park Chanyeol.  He cringed as he braced himself against his car and steadied himself for the welcoming bear hug that he knew he was going to have to endure.  Sure enough, Chanyeol threw his arms around Kyungsoo and squeezed without any consideration for Kyungsoo trying to clutch on to his belongings so as to not drop them.  Since Kyungsoo only came up to about Chanyeol’s shoulder, it wasn’t hard for Chanyeol to simply lean back with the hug and pick Kyungsoo completely off his feet.

            “YA!  Park Chanyeol!  I can’t breathe!  Put me DOWN!!” Kyungsoo grunted out best that he could with limited air capacity in his trapped lungs.  With a loud laugh, Chanyeol complied, but not without causing all Kyungsoo’s papers, books, and lunch box to scatter across the ground.  “Park, I swear!  You are like a wild water buffalo, charging through a crowd and leaving destruction in its wake!”

            “Oh, come on Kyungsoo!  At least tell me you missed me and you are glad to see me before you start scolding me already.  You know you missed me.  Come on… admit it. You did.  You did,” Chanyeol teased as he lightly punched Kyungsoo’s shoulder with his fist, jostling Kyungsoo a bit with each hit.

            Finally, Kyungsoo allowed himself a bit of a smile and begrudgingly said, “Okay, maybe a little bit, Park.”

            “Park?” Chanyeol exclaimed.  “You usually call me Mister Park when you are pissed off at me.  See? You did miss me.  I’ll have you calling me by Yeollie-hyung by the end of the day,” he gloated while giving Kyungsoo his best satisfied smile.

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kyungsoo said, defeated by the fellow teacher who towered over him with his 6’1” frame as compared to his own 5’8” height, well, maybe 5’7” if he were required to take off his shoes.  “I did miss you, that’s for sure.  It is brutal being home with the folks and the rest of the relatives, even though I know they mean well.”

            “That bad, huh?” Chanyeol cringed.  “So, how was your girlfriend, lover boy?” while wiggling his eyebrows and winking excessively.

            “Oh my god!  Can you stop?” Kyungsoo choked out over his own laughing.  “I figured it would be one of the women around here who would ask me that first, but I guess you are the same as the rest of those hens,” he sighed as he bent down to finally gather up all his belongings that were scattered on the asphalt of the parking lot while Chanyeol just watched in amusement from above.

            “Yeah, I know.  It sucks.  When will society progress to the point where gay men don’t have to make up fake girlfriends just so their real lives won’t be discovered and then they will be fired from their jobs for just being who they are?” Chanyeol added as he flailed his arms in frustration.

            “Hey, you don’t have to argue that one with me, Chanyeol.  I’m with you one hundred percent.  Everyone here thinks I have a girlfriend at home and everyone at home thinks I have a girlfriend here.  It gets tiring and confusing dealing with constant requests to meet these supposedly living, breathing females and keeping the details straight.  Ha!  Straight… How’s that for an ironic choice of words?” 

            When he stood up, Chanyeol hooked his arm around Kyungsoo’s neck to put him in a headlock and started leading the way to the buildings as he exclaimed, “Chanyeol?  Whoo-hoo!!  I’ll have you back on full nickname mode by lunch at this rate!”  He huffed as he got one of Kyungsoo’s elbows in his ribs but then just threw his head back in laughter because it was great to be back with his friend.

            They had spent so much time in the parking lot with their reunion that they only had time to drop off Kyungsoo’s books in the Science Department office and grab a cup of coffee from the community machine on the counter before they would have to run off to the first staff meeting of the year.  The paper cups were the quickest option instead of trying to find clean ceramic ones or, god forbid, clean one out themselves.  The office was buzzing with hellos and “How was your break?” bouncing back and forth between all the colleagues.  A few were lobbed Kyungsoo’s and Chanyeol’s direction and they returned the greetings with smiles and quick bows.  While they grabbed the cream and sweetener for their drinks, the aged 20-something female teachers behind them were fussing over the gossip about a new male teacher on campus.

            “Oh, I heard he is so handsome!” said one as she pushed around the papers on her desk looking for something.

            “Apparently, he is the full package – nice face, great body, friendly smile, and pretty eyes, and he even dresses well” added another who was leaning against the counter, waiting for everyone else to get ready to walk to the lecture hall.

            “I heard that he is nice with good manners and he did very well in his interview,” the first woman stated as she now looked around for a pen because she had already found the papers she wanted.

            “What department is he in?” asked one of the ladies as she sidled up next to Kyungsoo and Chanyeol so that she too could get some coffee.

            Spinning around with the pen finally in her hand, the first woman responded, “Languages.  He’s in the Languages Department and I believe he is teaching literature.  Oh, and he is supposed to be tall!”

            Three of the middle-aged, senior teachers who were listening to all of this started to chuckle.  “Ladies?” one of them broke in.  “Let me tell you something right now that I have learned from years of experience.  When they are that perfect, they are already taken or they are gay.  That’s just how it is.”

            Chanyeol was right in the middle of his first sip of the hot coffee and his eyes widened over his cup as he looked up at Kyungsoo whose eyes were equally as wide with shock.  Chanyeol immediately choked on the hot liquid and desperately tried to quiet his cough, as he did not want to call any attention to himself.  Of course, his sputtering and Kyungsoo slapping him on the back drew everyone’s eyes to the pair as Chanyeol tried not to die right there on the carpet on the very first day back.  The older teacher cocked her head to the side and said, “Isn’t that right, boys?” to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.  “Both of you handsome fellas were taken and practically married off before you set a foot on this campus, right?”

            Kyungsoo looked over at the woman and when he saw her expression, he realized that she probably knew his truth, that there was no girlfriend, no female significant other back home, and that he had to hide his proclivities towards men.  She was not fooled by his fake front, but he knew she was kind and trying to help cover his secret.  He was relieved when he could see that she was not cornering him with the lie but instead allowing him a way out in front of everyone.  He simply smiled to her in thanks, nodded in agreement, cast his eyes down and answered, “Yes ma’am.”

            She smileed at his shy demeanor and turned to the other women in the office with a satisfied look on her face.  “Okay, so since Mr. Do and Mr. Park are already taken, they just proved my point.  As for the rest of you, good luck with this new gorgeous teacher in Languages because some woman has probably already laid claim to him or you are not man enough for him.  Sorry ladies.”  The younger women’s demeanor dimmed as they began to shuffle about and gather at the door of the office to leave for the meeting.

            As they filed out, Chanyeol turned carefully to Kyungsoo and whispered, “Hey, if he doesn’t have a wife or girlfriend, maybe the other half of the rule applies, and this is your chance to end your pathetic and lonely evenings at home alone.”  For the second time that morning, Chanyeol was graced with one of Kyungsoo’s elbows in his ribs and a choking fit from taking a drink of his coffee at exactly the wrong moment.


	3. DKS

“This is where the Science Department sits.  Go sit over with Performance Arts, in your own department, and give me some peace,” Kyungsoo said as he glared at Chanyeol.  He was trying to keep his voice at a whisper to be respectful of the principal addressing the faculty now seated in the lecture hall and at the same time sound forceful enough for Chanyeol to be convinced to go away.

“Oh, come on, please?  I don’t want to sit with them.  The drama teacher still doesn’t buy that I have a girlfriend and he seriously thinks he would have a shot with me, despite being overbearing and creepy.  Besides,” Chanyeol sighed, “I can’t go sit over there because Baekhyun might still be mad at me”.

“Oh, Jesus.  What did you do this time?” Kyungsoo asked as he dramatically rolled his eyes. 

“Nothing!  I did nothing!  I swear!” Chanyeol insisted.  He glanced around meekly and nodded apologies to a few teachers who had turned to look at him when his voice had raised above an emphatic whisper.  “Well, actually…”

“Oh, there it is.  What in the hell did you do this time, Park?” Kyungsoo asked as he side-eyed Chanyeol and then returned to scanning the items on the meeting agenda.

“Well, we were joking around and trying to fake burn each other, so I said that composing music and playing instruments takes more talent than singing because a singer just gets up there and opens his mouth.  Baek got all serious all the sudden and asked if that was what I really thought.  I told him no, then asked him why all the sudden we weren’t joking anymore and why he got so butthurt about it,” Chanyeol explained.

Kyungsoo slowly turned in his seat to face his friend and looked at him incredulously as he wondered if Chanyeol could really, truly be that dumb.  “You said that?  You said that to Baekhyun and you are wondering if he is mad?  Are you a complete idiot or do you just thrive on leaving destruction in your wake wherever you go?”

“But, we were joking!  You should have heard the stuff he said to me about how we never go to final competitions with our band because I have no choreography skills.  He was saying how I can’t demonstrate certain movements for the kids because I would just look like an idiot giraffe swaying in the wind.  I laughed at all that, so why does he get to be pissy about what I said about singing being easier?” he huffed as he crossed his arms across his chest and defensively sat back harshly in his seat.

“Okay, whatever.  You keep saying shit like that and you will never get laid again.”  Kyungsoo made sure he said that very quietly so only Chanyeol would hear.  “You know how seriously Baekhyun takes the vocal program here and how much he puts into it.  He’s put more students into art colleges than the rest of the Arts Departments combined – Fine Arts and Performance Arts.  You basically insulted his entire existence.”  Kyungsoo glanced back over to see if he was getting anything through to Chanyeol but found that he still had the same closed off body language sitting back in the seat and now he also refused to look in Kyungsoo’s direction as he worked his jaw in frustration. 

Chanyeol hadn’t given up yet and grumbled, “Yeah, well being called an uncoordinated giraffe kind of insults my existence too,” to get in the last word.

Kyungsoo couldn’t hold back a soft chuckle at that one and relaxed into his own seat to start paying attention to what was going on in the meeting.  He realized that he and Chanyeol were being just as bad as some students who sit in the back of the room and whisper while he is trying to conduct his class.  The principal was finished with the introductions for the administrative team and was on to calling for the heads of different departments to stand and be recognized.  Kyungsoo glanced down at the agenda for the meeting and sighed when he saw that there were still many items left to be covered in the meeting.  The next bullet point was “Introduction of New Staff Members.”

When the principal announced that there were several new additions to some of the academic departments, he asked the new teachers to come to the front near the stage so everyone could become familiar with their faces, Chanyeol shifted in his seat to nudge Kyungsoo’s shoulder with his own.  “Hey, keep your eyes open for the new Languages department member.  He could be your dream guy,” he half snickered to Kyungsoo and then quickly flinched back to his own side in case he was about to be punished for his remark.  Kyungsoo merely glared at him with the promise of hurting him later because he didn’t want Chanyeol’s howls of pain to disrupt the meeting.

As the new teachers filed to the front of the auditorium, Kyungsoo noticed that the ladies from his department starting whispering frantically to each other, “Is that him?” “Is he the one from Languages?” and “Which one? I can’t see!”

“Damn,” Chanyeol breathed, “He’s so handsome.  I’m afraid I might fall in love. For your sake, I hope he likes dick.”

“God, can you shut up?” Kyungsoo gritted through his teeth, refusing to look up from the meeting agenda or to play into Chanyeol’s teasing.  “By the way, you’re supposed to be in love already,” he added to hopefully keep Chanyeol quiet.  Kyungsoo had already had enough of meetings for the day, even though they had only been in their seats for about a half an hour. Kyungsoo just wanted to get back to his classroom and start preparing for the first day of classes.  He was in this job for the kids, not the monotonous droning on of meetings with the adults.  He sighed, took off his glasses and laid them on top of the stack of papers in his lap and tried to refocus his attention again on what the principal was saying.

He couldn’t see very well now without his glasses, but even with his fuzzy vision, he could detect the stiff and awkward postures of the new teachers who were inevitably nervous standing in front of the entire staff and being looked over like cattle up for auction.  He, himself, had been up there two years ago and he remembers simply wanting to turn to ash instantaneously and sift down into the carpet.  This recollection was the exact reason he had volunteered to be one of the mentors for new incoming faculty this year.  He wanted to ease the unease of the newbies and to show them some of the techniques he used to survive his first two years.  It was unusual for such a young teacher to have a mentorship position, but Kyungsoo had such exceptional organizational skills and techniques for efficiency that the administration had been delighted that he had submitted his name for consideration.

As he surveyed the new employees up by the stage at the front of the room, the taller man in the middle did draw his attention.  He did not seem as nervous as the others and had a more casual posture.  All his weight was shifted to his left leg and his right leg was nonchalantly stretched a little to the side.  He had hands were crossed behind his back with relaxed arms and shoulders, while his head tilted slightly to the side.  Something about the way the man was standing tugged at Kyungsoo.  It was almost familiar and he wondered if perhaps it was bothering him because the man seemed to be so casual when as a new employee, he should be a little more stiff and professional.  No, Kyungsoo decided. That wasn’t it because he was glad for the man’s own sake that he wasn’t nervous and tortured as he himself had been.  Somehow, he continued to be bothered by the man’s posture and Kyungsoo internally scolded himself for judging someone before he had even met him.  He huffed a bit when he considered that this must be the new handsome guy everyone was crazy for and he was probably just a cocky son-of-a-bitch, so he even stood like one.  Great.  Dealing with an egotistical asshole for the whole year should be fun.

The principal had moved down the line and the taller man was next.  Kyungsoo shook his head as the young ladies in his department craned their necks to get a better view.  He side-eyed Chanyeol when he noticed that even though he was the tallest man in the room, Chanyeol was also straining to see a little better over everyone’s heads. 

“Our new addition to the Languages department comes to us from Seoul University, and I can assure you, his transcript and testing scores reflect great promise.  He was a literature major and minored in creative writing.  In addition, he has already had his first novel accepted for publication.” 

Collective oohs and ahs from the women of the room were slightly audible and Kyungsoo sneered.  He muttered, “Holy shit.  Can these women just calm themselves and their tits?”  He said it loud enough to catch Chanyeol’s attention and the latter turned to Kyungsoo and chuckled at his dismay.

The principal continued, “Please welcome Kim Jongin to our staff and please take care of him this year.”

Kyungsoo’s brain went into a static hum like a car radio on a lonely highway in the middle of nowhere that can’t quite find a signal.  He only slightly registered the sound of the enthusiastic clapping from the audience, welcoming this Kim Jongin.  He looked up to see only the top of the man’s head as he bowed deeply to the crowd.  As he stood back upright, the man ran his fingers back through his hair and then slightly shook his head as his bangs fell forward, making his hairstyle fall immediately back into perfection.  Kyungsoo knew that gesture by heart.  Now he knew why the man’s stance at the front of the room had seemed so familiar.  His heart had memorized that a long time ago as well.

With shaking hands, he reached down and picked up his glasses that were still sitting in his lap.  As he slid them onto his face and his eyes began to focus up front, everything he had feared in the last several moments came sharply into view.  Yes, the new teacher in the Languages department was indeed Kim Jongin, more precisely, his Kim Jongin.  His past.  His greatest loss and the embodiment of his most painful regrets.  He tried desperately to breathe and to rationalize how this could not be happening.  Obviously, some mistake had been made.  It just wasn’t possible, Kyungsoo told himself.  The mathematical odds of him and the former love of his life both ending up at the same school, out of all the possible places of employment in the world or even just in their country or proximity to their original home were simply incalculable.  That could not be Jongin at the front of the room, but the beautiful, full smile that reached all the way to his crescent eyes told Kyungsoo’s heart that it certainly was, without question.  No one else that he had ever seen could be that beautiful and perfect.

            He felt his arm being tugged and heard a muffled voice to his side.  As he turned towards the sound, he realized Chanyeol was speaking to him but he couldn’t understand his words.  His brain couldn’t process the sounds.  Chanyeol shook his arm a little more firmly and the concern deepened on his face.  The adrenaline was so thick in his veins and causing his heart to beat so fiercely that Kyungsoo wondered if this was what a panic attack felt like.  Almost as if he were observing himself from across the room, he realized that his breaths were so quick and shallow that he must be nearing hyperventilation.  He had to get out of there or he felt he might literally die right here in the second to last row of chairs in the school auditorium.  He closed his eyes and focused hard to strain out the words, “I’ve got to go,” and then sloppily gathered all his papers to his chest and stood.  His mumbled, “Excuse me, I’m sorry, excuse me,” to the people on his aisle that separated him from the exit was hushed and shaky, but he made it to the exit with a quick glance over his shoulder to see that Chanyeol was pushing past the aisle mates himself, trying to follow him to the door.

            Kyungsoo groaned because all he needed at this moment was to be alone, away from everyone’s gaze and to calm himself down to think.  He had to think.  He needed to breathe. As soon as he made it out of the auditorium door, he leaned up against the wall to get a hold of himself because no one could see him like this – face flushed and panting shallowly, bending at the waist and supporting his upper body with one hand on his knee while the other arm still clutched the papers to his chest.  He felt Chanyeol towering over him, more so than hearing him approach and when Chanyeol’s shoes came into his line of vision between him and the carpet, he knew there was no getting away.

            “Kyungsoo!  Are you okay?  What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked with panic mixed with sincerity and concern.  It was another one of those moments when Kyungsoo confirmed that even though he was an asshole sometimes, Chanyeol was also basically a good guy with a good heart.  “Kyungsoo?  Hey, are you sick?” Chanyeol began to stroke Kyungsoo’s back, just as a mother would comfort a child.

            “Yeah, I’m okay,” Kyungsoo sighed out.  He was beginning to calm himself and push away some of the shock to orient his feet a little better with the feeling of the floor as his vertigo began to subside.  “I…I think… I think it might be the coffee from the workroom,” he lied.  “You know that stuff is shit and the coffee pot only gets washed once a year.”

            “Are you going to get sick?  Do you want me to take you to the men’s room?  Can you walk?” Chanyeol fussed.

            Kyungsoo could tell he was getting a hold of himself because he could find the humor of the goofy giant with the elf ears suddenly fretting over him.  For a little comic relief, he teased, “I don’t know Chanyeol.  Maybe it would be best if you picked me up bridal style to take me to my room and carried me over the threshold but be careful because I might vomit on you if you try to kiss me.”

“Aye, Jesus Kyungsoo!!  What the hell, man?  You had me worried,” Chanyeol complained as he withdrew his hand from Kyungsoo’s back, no longer willing to soothe his friend.

Kyungsoo straightened up and leaned his head against the cold tile on the wall, still trying to steady himself.  Everything still felt surreal, but his brain was starting to organize a list of the possible scenarios that could play out over the next year now that Kim Jongin was apparently back in his life, like it or not.  The one thing he had already decided for certain was that he could not return to the meeting.  He needed some time to gather himself.  “Hey, I’m feeling better, but I am going to go lie down for a bit on the couch in the Science department office,” Kyungsoo explained.  “Can you go back in and then fill me in later about what is said?”

“Yeah, sure man, but are you okay to be alone?” Chanyeol questioned.

“Yes, eomma, I’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo joked, hoping that some faked humor might convince Chanyeol that he was okay so he could escape the lecture hall area and go back to his own building.

“Well, if you are giving me shit again, I guess that means you are going to live,” Chanyeol responded with a sulk.  “I’ll go back in and get you copies of anything they hand out and forge your signature on the sign-in sheets.  Can you at least promise to text me if you get worse?” he requested.  Kyungsoo would never admit it, but it tugged on his heart a little bit that his constant tormentor had suddenly become so empathetic and caring.  Yeah, Chanyeol was truly a good friend and Kyungsoo realized that he was going to have to explain about Kim Jongin to his fellow teacher sooner that he would have liked.

“Yeah, sure.  I will,” Kyungsoo promised as he pushed himself up and away from the wall.  “Thanks for covering for me, Channie-hyung.  I do really appreciate it, you know.”

A blinding, ear-to-ear smile spread across Chanyeol’s face as he raised his arms and fists in victory.  “Yes!” he blurted out, “There it is! You called me Channie-hyung and it is not even noon yet!”  He turned to face the invisible crowd in the hallway and pumped his arms.  “VIC-TOR-Y!! VIC-TOR-Y!” he chanted, “See everyone?  Kyungsoo loves me!” He spun around, in a slow circle, imitating the noise of the imaginary roaring crowd with a hissing sound from the back of his throat.

Despite his sickened state, Kyungsoo was still able to suffer out a small chuckle and said, “I swear.  You are so ridiculous.  If you start singing _We Are the Champions_ , I swear I will rise from the dead here and kick you.”

Still smiling at his triumph, Chanyeol turned to him and asked, “You sure you’re okay to walk back by yourself and you’ll text if you need anything?”

“Yes, on both counts,” Kyungsoo assured him.  “I’m feeling better already. Promise.”

“Okay then, I’m going to head back into the excitement that is embodied in this first faculty meeting of the year and maybe see if Baekhyun has forgiven me enough so that I can sit with him.  If not, you may have to come to carry my beat-up ass back to the teacher’s workroom so I can recover on the couch too,” Chanyeol said as he looked at his feet and scuffed his foot across the floor like a six-year-old who was being scolded but was very, very sorry for what he had done.

“Good luck with that,” Kyungsoo said as he slightly smiled at the thought of the oversized puppy of a grown man having to grovel at his boyfriend Baekhyun’s feet for forgiveness.  He pushed himself away from the wall and onto his unsteady legs, but he had pulled himself together enough to get himself as far away from that auditorium as he could but remain on campus.  “I’ll see you later then.  Do you want to meet in my room and then walk over to the faculty cafeteria for lunch together?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.  I’ll get the number of the new literature guy and see if he wants to come by and take your temperature and feel your pulse.  That’ll make you feel better,” Chanyeol said as he turned to go back in the auditorium, arm wrapped around his own midsection and doubled over in laughter, completely amused by his own taunting and how he loved to put Kyungsoo on the spot.  The only blessing was, Chanyeol did not turn back around to see the look of actual torture on Kyungsoo’s face as he was reminded of what had caused his panic attack and forced him out into the hallway just to gasp needed air.  As soon as Chanyeol was around the corner, Kyungsoo immediately rushed through the glass doors that lead to the outside of the building and welcomed the cool, fresh air that hit his face.  He was able to breathe a little calmer with each meter of space he was able to get between himself and the auditorium but now that he was alone, the realization of what this new school year would bring to his daily life began to weigh on him.  All of the solid steel doors in his mind and in his heart, behind which he had locked away all of his memories of Kim Jongin and the searing pain when Jongin walked away when he had finally had enough, were beginning to give way and he could feel the emotion arising in his throat.  The only thing that saved him was, everyone on campus was in the first of the year meeting in the lecture hall and no one heard the choked sob or saw Kyungsoo press his hand over his mouth to hold the next one in. He unlocked his classroom and rushed inside before the streams of tears spilled from his eyes and ran down his cheeks and over the back of his hand which was still trying to hold back all the pain.


	4. KJI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I was unhappy with this chapter so I edited it considerably and now there are about 1000+ more words. If you have already read chapter 4, my apologies for posting the first version before I was truly satisfied with it.)

As Jongin stood up to get out of the old movie theater styled seat in the high school auditorium, he had to stretch to get rid of the stiffness in his legs from sitting for so long.  After enduring two solid hours of administrators and teachers droning on about school policy and yearly goals to the gathered staff in the auditorium, Jongin reminded himself that he must always remain sympathetic to students who are expected to endure lecture only-style classes.  Back in college, he had promised himself that he would never kill the enthusiasm and the desire to learn in the kids who would be enrolled in his classes by treating them that way.  It made him wonder how the teachers who spoke today at this beginning of the year meeting presented information when there were actual students sitting in front of them.  He certainly hoped their lessons were delivered with more passion and in more unique formats to engage their students than what he had just suffered through.  The rest of the faculty moved at a rate not much faster than a shuffle as they all crowded out of the rows of seats and up the main aisle leading to the door.  There was a dull mumbling of voices as they spoke to each other on their way out.  The first meeting of the year seemed to have done little to spark enthusiasm in this group of educators who split off into separate streams heading back to their respective buildings. 

“Where are you headed next?” a bright female voice lit up next to him.  It was the young woman in his department who would be in the room directly across from him and she had moved out of the rows of seats and the doors of the building right along with him.

“Hold on a second,” he smiled and said as he pulled the already wrinkled paper from his folder that detailed his schedule of meetings and classroom prep time for the week.  Looking in the column for today, he noted that he had about 15 minutes before he needed to head to his next obligation.  “It says that I have to go to the New Teachers and Mentors Meeting in the principal’s conference room.”

“That won’t be so bad,” she said and then she lightly touched his arm and leaned in a bit.  In a quieter voice she added, “The lady who runs it is pretty intense and enthusiastic, but she is always gushing about the positive and really wants to help new teachers instead of picking on them.  My mentor helped me a lot my first year too.” 

“That’s good news,” Jongin replied.  Out of the other break-out sessions he had to attend over the course of the next few days, this one now didn’t seem so bad.  After the new teachers had been called to the front of the room for introductions during the first meeting, he counted that there were five new teachers besides himself so he also knew he wouldn’t be going to this alone. He had also noted that there was even one other male teacher so that was comforting too.  Jongin pointed along the building in front of him and asked, “I guess I head this way?”

“Yep!  Just follow this walkway and it will take you right up front.  We’ll see you for lunch, right?” she asked with a hint of lingering hope in her voice.

“Sure,” Jongin said with his best boyish grin.  “I am going to take you up on not letting me be abandoned on my first day.”

The woman brightened at his answer and said, “Okay, then.  I guess enjoy your meeting and we’ll see you later,” as she turned and scurried away.

As he walked towards the front of the school, he was relieved that this next session might be a more intimate and hopefully a more comfortable experience than having to face over a hundred seasoned teachers, staring him down and looking him over as he stood at the front of the auditorium while they decided if they thought he could handle this job, solely based on how he had presented himself up there. 

He already knew that they considered his age of 23 and youthful looks as drawbacks, so they probably doubted he could command any respect in the classroom.  Jongin huffed at the bubble of anger that arose in his chest from that thought.  His college supervisors had the same concerns about him as he began his student teaching requirement for his certification, but as soon as he got the chance to show what he could do with real students in a real classroom setting, he proved them all wrong.  All he wanted was a fair chance and the opportunity to give his very best to help the young people who would cross his classroom doorway and sit in the desks in his room.  His philosophy was that school didn’t have to be boring and torturous and that teenagers needed to be reminded that learning something new could be exciting because most of them had lost that feeling somewhere between kindergarten and third grade.  One corner of his mouth drifted up into a half-smile because he was aware that he was overly idealistic to the point of being almost sappy, but that was okay.  He liked being that way instead of being like those people who only pointed out mistakes and what someone was doing wrong.  He had learned through a painful lesson that he and negativity did not get along well.

A large sign reading “ADMINISTRATION” over an archway into the front building assured him that he had indeed gone in the correct direction.  He noted that the double glass doors leading into the building probably looked exactly like the ones that were at the high school he had attended and were probably just as old.  Once he was inside, he came to a counter that stretched across the length of the room and separated the area where he had entered from a gathering of low-walled cubicles on the other side.  The office workers that were seated at desks were busily typing into their computers as the continuously moved their eyes from the screen to the stack of papers next to their keyboards, verifying the information they were transferring.  There was one desk that was not encircled by cubicle walls and it had its own personal space away from the rest of the furniture and office workers.  Sitting at this desk was a serious looking older woman who had lines between her eyebrows from years of fierce concentration.  She was the closest person to the counter and Jongin thought he had the best chance of getting her attention.  He approached the lone desk but said nothing because he was certain the woman could see he was there through her peripheral vision.  Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun and a beaded cord hung down to her shoulders from the reading glasses perched on her nose. She continued her focused concentration on her computer screen despite his presence.  Since he was wise enough to know that patience was the best course of action, he just waited. 

His older sister had been working in the medical profession for years now and she had often warned him that being on the boss’s good side was nice and all, but it was the secretaries, maintenance workers, cleaning crew, assistants, food service workers, and the regular day-to-day staff that were the backbone of any business and to be on their good side wherever he happened to work, was to survive.  The woman in front of him eventually finished the critical item on the screen that had been so important to her that she had chosen to ignore him until she was done.  She moved her attention to the stack of manila folders on her desk and as she leafed through them, she asked, “May I help you?” in a rigid tone. 

He bowed to her from his waist and asked in his smoothest voice, “Oh yes, please.  Would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of the principal’s conference room?  Today is my first day here and I don’t quite know my way around yet.”  He gave her a warm smile once he was upright in hopes that she would forgive him for what appeared to be an interruption of her work.

The woman looked up from her desk and she studied his face for a moment.  It made Jongin uncomfortable because it was as if in those few seconds she could judge the entirety of his character.  Jongin thought that he must have passed her evaluation because her own face softened a bit and she almost dared a smile while saying, “Certainly.  You just turn down the next hallway on your right and…” she hesitated.  Suddenly gathering a few papers in front of her and placing them in the top file folder, she stood up and continued, “You know what?” she added.  “I am going that way myself to drop these off, so why don’t I just take you there?”

“Oh my, that’s too much to ask,” Jongin balked.  “I can just head in the direction you have already pointed out, really.”

“Nonsense,” the woman clipped.  “Follow me,” she said as she rounded the corner of her desk and headed down the hallway.

 _“This is why I always listen to my noona,”_  Jongin thought to himself as he tried to stifle a sly smile. 

The icy woman he had just thawed with his charms led him directly to the door of the room he was seeking.  Coming to a stop, she turned to him with a still stern expression and announced, “I am Song Ji-Hyo, the administrative staff coordinator of this school and I surmise that you must be Kim Jongin, our new language arts teacher.  You now know the location of my desk.  Please remember it for the future.”

Jongin bowed deeply and still kept his head lowered in respect when he answered, “Thank you, Song Seonsaengnim.  It was my great luck to have you be the first person I came across when I needed help.”  When he dared to look up, he saw the still tight-lipped expression on her face, however, there was a more lenient look in her eyes that made him confident that he had won over exactly one more person to his side at his new place of employment.

As she walked away, Jongin turned to enter the room she had directed him to.  The heavy wooden door was propped open with a single office chair and when he moved inside, he could see there were a number of those same chairs arranged about a long, oval table.  Two people were already seated on the opposite side of the table and Jongin recognized them as the new teachers who had stood with him at the front of the auditorium that morning.  They were quietly chatting to themselves as Jongin pulled out a chair directly across from them and sat.  They quickly finished their conversation and turned with smiles to look in his direction to greet him.

The man on the other side from him leaned forward a little and asked, “How are you liking everything so far?”  He had a bright smile and an almost cherub face.  Jongin thought that he had to at least be his own age because he obviously must be old enough to have finished his studies at a university, but had they met on the street, Jongin may have assumed he was younger. 

“Well,” Jongin answered with dismay, “Everyone in my department seems great, but mostly all I have to go on so far is that two-hour meeting and the five minutes I have had in my own classroom.”

“I know, right?” gasped the female teacher sitting right across from him.  She too looked young and fresh out of college with her long, black hair pulled back in a soft ponytail and just a soft dusting of makeup that she probably didn’t even need.  “I looked at the agenda for the week and it looks like we’ve got plenty more meetings to go.  I have to set up my classroom because the walls are completely blank, and it doesn’t seem very inviting in there.”  She began gesturing to the walls of the conference room as a reference and lamented, “I want to decorate the bulletin boards, hang up posters, set up some tables around the room with supplies, and maybe set up a reading corner with a cushioned chair.  Now that I have seen our schedule, I don’t know if I will even have time.” 

The young male across the table from Jongin slapped his hand on the table and gave a hearty laugh and said, “And that right there is another reason I teach P.E. and coach soccer.  I don’t have to deal with any of that nonsense.  All I do is grab my clipboard with my class roster, polish my whistle, and I am good to go.”  With his eyes still beaming with his own amusement, he reached his hand across the table to offer it to Jongin and said, “I’m Kim Minseok.  Good to meet you.”

Jongin was happy to take his hand for a firm shake and offered his own wide smile as he introduced himself, “I’m also going to be a Mr. Kim on campus, but I’m Jongin.”

“Oh, that’s not going to be confusing at all,” muttered the female teacher at the table with a lift of her eyebrows.

“Wait! That’s not all!” Minseok exclaimed, as his eyes widened with mischief and he glanced at the lady beside him.  “Two more Mr. Kims are here, a Jongdae in math and another one in science, but I am not sure what his first name is.  Jongdae is my best friend and he and I used to work together at a different school a few years ago.  He talked me into transferring here because this district pays better and the soccer team needed a new coach, but it is probably because he thinks I’ll bring him lunch every day.”

Jongin’s eyes narrowed a bit as he studied this Kim Minseok’s face.  He knew he couldn’t be Jongin’s age if he had already worked at another school for a couple of years and he seemed way too confident to be a brand-new teacher.  Jongin ventured to pry a bit with, “If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?"

Minseok grinned because he knew exactly where this question was coming from because people misjudged his age all the time.  “Yeah, I know I look young, but I'm 27 so you better call me hyung,” he answered with a mock-threatening grin.

Jongin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and he exclaimed, “Oh wow!  Uh, yeah.  I’m only 23, hyung.”  He turned to the new female teacher across from him and asked, “And you are?”  Before the young woman could answer, there was talking behind him as three mature women entered the room with the four remaining new teachers following right behind them.  The new teachers fanned out and chose seats around the large wooden table and settled themselves in.  The new colleagues all nodded to each other in welcome and recognition that they were going to be in this with each other, all year.

“Good morning and welcome, new faculty members!” one of the older women announced in a sing-song voice as she moved to the front of the room with the other two established teachers and dropped the cardboard file box she was carrying onto the table in front of her.  Dipping into the box, she pulled out several three-ring binders and began to pass them around the table.  “I’m Kim Hye-ja and I am the staff development coordinator.”

“Ayish, another Kim,” the young woman across from Jongin lamented under her breath and he glanced at her with a quick, secret grin.

Mrs. Kim continued, “It is my job to watch over the new teachers each year and make sure that you have the best experience possible so that you will stay with us for many, many years.  I started at this school when I was about your age, and I can’t say I have ever been sorry.  All of you were such strong applicants and that usually translates into excellent teachers and we want our students to have the best!”  Jongin was all for positive attitudes and enthusiasm, but he didn’t know if he was going to be able to keep up with this woman’s level of energy and she was clearly more than twice his age. 

“The six of you will be involved in our peer mentoring program and you will be matched with outstanding teachers on our campus who will guide you and be your resource for anything you may need,” she went on.  “We have three mentors who will work with two of you each.  I promise you that you will be in excellent hands but know that I too am always available for assistance and support.”  Picking up one of the remaining black binders in front of her she said, “This notebook will be your mentoring guide and it is already filled with helpful forms and handouts.  A member of our mentoring team put these together for us over the break on his own time, but unfortunately, he took ill this morning and may not be able to join us for this meeting.  He will be mentoring you, Kim Minseok and you, Kim Jongin,” as she motioned to each of them.  “His name is Do Kyungsoo and he is just so good at what he does.  You’ll love him.”

Jongin slightly jolted at the sound of that name and he quickly glanced at the others in the room to see if they had noticed.  Luckily, everyone was flipping through their new black binders and Kim Hye-ja was digging around in her cardboard box, looking for the next set of items to pass around the room as she prattled on.  He gritted his teeth and slightly grimaced as his mind ran over the familiar name again.  He then slightly shook his head to clear his thoughts and cursed his luck that he would encounter someone with the exact same name that would cause glimmers of emotional pain to resurface from his past. 

As Mrs. Kim went on to introduce the other two mentors who had entered the room with her, Jongin tried to mentally joke and reassure himself that this Do Kyungsoo was probably going to be a middle-aged paunchy man with years of experience and sage mottos of advice like “Leading the youth of today to knowledge for the sake of tomorrow!” that made Jongin cringe and not the unbearably cute and then suddenly smolderingly handsome and hot Do Kyungsoo that he already knew.  Too late he realized his mistake of allowing his thoughts to access the past and his adrenaline spiked. He felt that weird pressure building in his temples from the jolt of memories of running his fingers through soft, raven hair, smooth ivory skin against his own, wide expressive eyes, inviting heart-shaped lips slightly parted and panting so near to his own, and… “ _No…don’t do this_ ,” he told himself with absolute firm resolve.  He had trained himself to block out those memories and he certainly couldn’t allow himself to indulge in them now.

It had only taken seconds for his mind to pass through that entire series of thoughts and he now forced himself to focus on the woman at the front of the room and what she was saying to bring himself back into the present moment.  He clutched the paper she had just passed around that was a printed calendar.  Jongin forced himself to intensely search for the dates she was listing as the future meetings for new teachers and their mentors and to think only of that.  He felt his heartbeat slowing down as he practiced his perfected skill of calming his emotions, neatly folding them, and locking them away from the surface.  He applauded himself for being able to relax his expression and his gaze to look up at Kim Hye-ja with a slight smile as if he had been paying attention this entire time and appreciated her efforts.

“Well now, that’s enough from me,” Mrs. Kim concluded.  “Let me turn the floor over to...” and she was stopped by a quick rapping on the wooden door that Jongin had entered earlier and which was now directly behind his back.  “Come in!” Mrs. Kim called in her always cheery voice and Jongin could hear the handle turn and the bottom of the door slide across the carpet as it swung open.  He attempted to look over his shoulder but could only see the pattern of the grain of the wood on the interior side of the door. “Oh, Kyungsoo! You’re here,” she exclaimed.  “Are you feeling better?"

There was a momentary pause and then someone clearing his throat before a deep, rich voice that Jongin had tried to forget answered, “Yes, Mrs. Kim and thank you for asking.  I am feeling much better.  Please forgive me for being late,” and all of Jongin’s finely honed defense mechanisms failed him as he was overtaken by a rush of pain and disbelief.  


	5. KJI & KMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you previously read Chapter 4, please note that I later published a new version with 1000+ extra words. I thought I was happy with what was there, but it ate at me for days until I went back and embellished it a bit. If you are satisfied with what you got from the first version of Chapter 4, then please feel free to carry on with Chapter 5. If you want a little bit more set up and character development, then a reread of Chapter 4 may be in order. Thanks so much for even reading a single word of any of this actually.

 

Jongin knew that seconds were passing because they were being counted off by the beats of his heart that were throbbing in his ears, but he was certain he was not breathing.  His awareness had warped somehow, and he had the sensation that he was observing the room on a flat TV screen. He detected movement as the person who had just entered the room through the door moved directly behind him towards the head of the conference table and he vaguely heard a woman’s voice begin talking.  Jongin’s eyes were only processing the reflected color of the white sheet of paper in the binder in front of him but they could not focus enough to interpret any of the symbols on that paper and certainly not their meaning.  He knew he would eventually have to turn his eyes from the paper to confirm what he already knew was true.

Completely against his will, his eyes flitted to the new figure who had just rounded the end of the table to join Kim Hye-ja at the front of the room.  There was no doubt or hope left because the stature, the posture, the curve of his shoulders, the way he intertwined his fingers and held his hands together in front of himself, the black hair cut short and styled up from his face, the light complexion, white-rich eyes, full heart-shaped lips and of course, the ubiquitous white dress shirt and black dress slacks with a black belt and black shoes confirmed everything.  This was the same man he had last seen almost two and a half years ago when he was dressed in a graduation cap and gown, receiving his diploma on the stage at the coliseum at their university.  Do Kyungsoo had not known that Kim Jongin was in the audience that day and he certainly did not know that the only reason Jongin had gone to the ceremony was to see Kyungsoo for what he thought would be the very last time and to somehow let go and say goodbye in his own heart.  But that had not been how fate had decided this would play out and here Kyungsoo was in front of Jongin once again.

Kim Hye-ja was talking but Jongin absorbed nothing.  She was nodding her head in Kyungsoo’s direction occasionally and even once placed a motherly hand on his shoulder as she apparently offered some praise and Kyungsoo shifted shyly under her words.  Jongin decided it would be safe to train his eyes on her only to give the appearance that he was still being polite and interested, despite his desire to put his head down on the table and rest his reddened cheek on the cool surface.  On the edges of his vision, Jongin could detect that Kyungsoo’s gaze was lowered and he was staring down at either his shoes or the carpet or nothing at all.  He allowed his own eyes only a millisecond to glance directly at Kyungsoo, and with just that, he read him instantly.   He could perceive that Kyungsoo was in pained agony and Jongin realized that Kyungsoo knew.  Kyungsoo had known before he ever walked into that room that Jongin was going to be in that meeting and that was why he had arrived late.  That was why he had used the excuse that he was feeling ill.  That’s why all Kyungsoo could do was look at the floor. 

Confident that Kyungsoo was not going to raise his eyes, Jongin allowed himself a better look at the man standing stoically at the head of the table.  Kyungsoo’s misery was clear, but besides looking a bit more mature, everything about him was exactly as Jongin had remembered.  What Jongin wished he could say to Kyungsoo played out in his head.  “ _Good. Be miserable, you complete ass. What the hell are you doing here? What the actual fuck, Kyungsoo?”_

When Mrs. Kim pointed directly at Jongin his mind was drawn back to her words.  He started comprehending her in the middle of her sentence when she said, “…Kim Jongin and this is Kim Minseok.  You will be working directly with Kyungsoo.”  Minseok partially rose to his feet from his chair and smoothly offered a slight bow in Kyungsoo’s direction, which Kyungsoo immediately returned.  After he sat down, he, Kim Hye-ja, the other four new teachers seated at the conference table, the two other female mentors, and Do Kyungsoo all turned and looked expectantly at Jongin because he had not moved.  Suddenly realizing what was required of him, Jongin lurched forward from his seat.  The force of Jongin’s legs snapping to attention caused his office chair to roll back away from him when the back of his knees hit the padded seat.  He bowed hurriedly and deeply despite that being somewhat too formal for this occasion, but his eyes never traveled anywhere near where Kyungsoo was standing.  When he wanted to sit back down so everyone would stop staring at him, he had to awkwardly reach behind himself to grab one of the armrests of the chair to roll it back over towards him.  Once he was reseated, he had to inelegantly scoot forward to reach the table once again. In all literal seriousness, he wished he were dead.

Interlacing his fingers together, Jongin placed both of his hands on the table in front of him and forced himself to train his eyes only on Kim Hye-ja and to focus intently on her words, once again picking up in the middle of one of her sentences.  “…each week, but you will find that noted on the calendars in your binders,” she continued.  “Okay then!” she chirped.  “That is probably enough for now and I am sure you are anxious to have some time to settle in your classrooms and take a break for lunch.  Each of your mentors will come around for the initial meeting this afternoon and I assume you will want to meet in your respective rooms.  Kim Minseok?” she questioned.  “Would you like for Kyungsoo to meet with you in the coaches’ office since you don’t have a designated classroom?”

“That would be perfect, Mrs. Kim.  Thank you,” Minseok politely replied with a charming smile and gave a quick nod to Do Kyungsoo for confirmation.

“Wonderful then!  I’ll take my leave now and if you three mentors will come with me to my office, I have some materials I need to pass on to you before you meet with your teachers this afternoon,” she directed.  “Have a wonderful rest of your day and once again, we are so excited to have you on staff and we wish you a successful year,” she said with a wave and a flourish as she left the room.  The three mentor teachers, Kyungsoo among them, dutifully followed her out of the room.

Far from recovered, Jongin grasped the sides of the binder in front of him with shaking hands.  He didn’t know if he was able to stand yet, so he waited a moment to simply try to process how his day had gone from full of promise and excitment to a momentous fucking nightmare in a matter of minutes.  The other new teachers had gathered their materials and were enthusiastically chatting as they exited door of the conference room, but Jongin glanced up to see that Minseok was still seated in front of him and staring at him intently.  His boyish smile was gone, and his eyes had become intense, almost cat-like as he studied Jongin’s face. Feeling uncomfortable under the stare and knowing he must certainly be blushing, Jongin asked, “What?” albeit formally and politely considering that Minseok was his elder.

Stressing each individual word, Minseok asked, “Dude, what the hell was that?”

“What are you talking about?” Jongin dodged and glanced down to gather his papers into his new notebook so he could break the eye contact.

Minseok just scoffed and sat back in his chair, still focused on Jongin.  “Well, let’s see,” he began as he cocked his head to the side.  “We were all in here having a nice little gathering and you were Mr. Bright and Charming and then Do Kyungsoo walks in.  It was like you had a freaking stroke!  Do you know him?” Minseok questioned with intense curiosity.

“Our mentor?” Jongin asked, still trying to delay having to address the question because he was unsure how to explain any of this to someone who was a stranger to him just thirty minutes ago.  He was trying to sound casual and unconcerned, but his efforts were failing badly.

“Yeah, our mentor.  Do Kyungsoo.  Remember?  The only other guy in the room besides you and me,” he said as he gestured back and forth between himself and Jongin.  “Do you know him?  You must.  No one reacts like that to someone unless something is going on,” Minseok insisted as he crossed his arms across his chest and prepared to stand his ground.  “And, you know what?” Minseok added, “I’ve met Kyungsoo a few times before this and I’ve never seen him act like that.  Ever.  He knows you too, doesn’t he?”

Jongin just cringed and looked away from the interrogator in front of him.  He took a breath and could only release it with a sigh because he now realized he had been way too obvious when he had hoped that he had appeared casual.  He was cornered.  He continued to stare downwards towards the now closed three-ring binder that lay in front of him on the table.  He remembered Mrs. Kim stating that Kyungsoo had spent his break compiling these resources for the new teachers and it seemed exactly like something Kyungsoo would do with his own vacation time.  He finally raised his head to face Minseok and admitted, “Yeah, I know him.  We went to the same university.  I haven’t seen him since he graduated two and a half years ago, and I thought that was going to be the last I ever saw of him.”

Minseok paused for a moment, watching Jongin’s micro expressions to see if he could better understand the interaction he had just observed between the two men.  “Is there bad blood between you two? That didn’t seem to me like a big happy reunion when he walked in the door. I wasn’t sure which one of you was going to run out or pass out first.  Did one of you steal the other one’s girl or something like that?  You’re both good looking enough. Maybe one of you ratted the other one out in a cheating scandal or stole the other one’s car?” As Jongin just shook his head with a pained expression on his face, Minseok pressed.  “I know,” he continued one more time as he leaned forward, “He ran over your cat on purpose and then posted pictures of it online?”

Minseok’s attempt at an over-the-top option did humor Jongin a bit and he was able to let out a soft huff that was an attempt at laughter.  “No, it wasn’t really…” he tried.  Still not willing to make eye contact with his new colleague across the table, Jongin stared up into the corner of the room where the ceiling tiles met with the wall.  “We just… I don’t know…” he tried as he let his eyes fall to his hands that were now lying in his lap.  He studied the lines and wondered if a palm reader would be able to tell him why this had been his fate, why out of all the billions of people who could have walked through that door, it had to be Do Kyungsoo and it had to be today.

Jongin heard Minseok rise from his seat and for a moment he thought that perhaps he was being released from this trap and he would be left alone in the room to settle his emotions before he had to face walking out into the hall and going on with the rest of the day.  Instead, when Minseok went to the door, he leaned only his head out of the frame and glanced in both directions down the hall to see if anyone was nearby.  Seeing no one, Minseok softly closed the door and swung the office chair closest to Jongin so that the armrests were out of his way and he could sit down facing him.

A couple of beats of silence passed and Minseok began, “Look.  We only met just now, and I don’t want to offend you by assuming anything that is none of my business, but I think I might know what is going on here.” Jongin took a sharp inhale and averted his eyes to the office chair that was on the opposite side of him, away from Minseok.  Jongin’s reaction only convinced Minseok even further that what he was assuming about the nature of Do Kyungsoo’s and Kim Jongin’s past was probably correct.  “My best friend, Kim Jongdae works here.  He is the one who talked me into transferring to this school and a few times we have gone to the noraebang and Kyungsoo was there, so I know him a little bit too.  Damn, he can sing.”  Jongin broke a half smile and raised his eyebrows as he nodded his head in agreement but held back any comment.  “Since you and I are going to be working together on some projects and training with this Kyungsoo guy, I just want you to know that I don’t judge and I won’t ever do anything that might make it more uncomfortable for either one of you.  Whatever just happened in here when you two saw each other, I can tell it was intense for him too because he looked freaked out,” Minseok explained. 

Jongin drew in a shuddering breath and blew it out to try to steady his voice before he spoke.  “Yeah, your suspicions about us are probably right.  We were pretty damned serious and as you can see, it didn’t end well.  I just can’t believe this is happening, you know?” he said as he raised a questioning face to Minseok.  “A half an hour ago, I was in a new life with my shit straight and my first real job, excited to be living on my own in a brand new town, and now I feel like that broken-hearted kid back in the dorm who cried himself to sleep every night for a few months.  I just… I just don’t know, hyung,” he ended with a mumble.

Minseok put a reassuring hand on Jongin’s shoulder and said, “I can’t imagine how hard this sucks.”  He paused for a couple of beats and continued, “I don’t mean to get all religious or philosophical on you or any of that shit, but I seem to notice it more as I get older how things have a way of sorting themselves out, like karma, you know?” Jongin side-eyed him with a skeptical look and a raised eyebrow, but Minseok continued.  “Just hear me out, okay?  It looks like both of you are still carrying around some serious baggage because both of you literally looked like you were in physical pain when all you had to do was just be in the same room together.  Maybe this is the universe giving you a chance to work all of that out.”

Jongin gave Minseok an incredulous look and scoffed, “Oh what, like fate is giving us a second chance?  Hell no.  I don’t believe in any of that shit.  Why would I want to mend fences and go back and drag though everything that never counted for anything anyway?  All of that back then, it’s just… it was bad and I thought I had moved on.”

“I didn’t say that this was a chance to rekindle the old romance,” Minseok defended.  “I meant that it is obviously something you are still carrying around and maybe you could resolve it.  When you guys…” Minseok hesitated to make sure he chose the best way to say this and not offend Jongin, “…went your own separate ways, did you have a chance to settle everything? You know, say what you needed to say and get it all on the table?”

“I said a lot that last day, but he didn’t say a word, not one goddamned word and then I never heard from him again,” Jongin admitted.  “I guess what I said didn’t really matter or count for anything.  I doubt that he is dragging around anything that has to do with me and what you just saw is him being pissed off and disgusted that I’m here,” Jongin said with a flat, tired voice.  He had gone over that memory too many times in his own mind and he had numbed himself to it over the years.

“I don’t know,” Minseok considered as he narrowed his eyes and shook his head.  “That didn’t look like anger.  That looked like something else, like he was at a funeral, or ashamed, or like he was at the funeral for your cat because he really did run over it and he was ashamed.”

Jongin allowed himself a slight uptick of the corner of his mouth and said, “I’ve never even had a cat.”

“Yeah, just sayin’, you know?” Minseok said as he clapped his hand on Jongin’s shoulder and gave a slight squeeze.  “We better get out of here,” Minseok said as he stood.  “Maybe we aren’t supposed to even be in here and we’re going to get fired on the very first day.”

“In that case, I’m staying right here,” Jongin announced with an almost child-like pout.  “I don’t know if I want this job anymore.”

“Oh god, come on,” Minseok said as he grabbed Jongin by the arm and urged him upright.  “Come on, just remember you are in this teaching gig because we take home the big bucks.  Forget about everything else.  You’re going to get that dream Ferrari with your first paycheck, so show me where your classroom is so I can tell them where to drop off the keys.”  The ridiculousness of Minseok’s suggestion that teachers do what they do for money finally got a little bit of a smile out of Jongin and he gave in to Minseok’s tugs on his arm and stood up.

As they walked through the conference room door and turned down the hall to return to the main part of the campus, Jongin looked to the older man at his side and in a low, but sincere voice he said, “Thanks hyung, really.  Just…thanks.”  Minseok put his arm around Jongin’s shoulder to give him a bit of reassurance and continued to walk him to his classroom.


	6. KJI & DKS - Flashback

 

(Four and a half years ago)

“Shit, shit, shit,” Jongin cursed under his breath as he entered the science building.  He was supposed to have been there 15 minutes ago and he didn’t even know why he was late.  He had lost track of time and he had to cross the campus to the building where he had one required science class during the week.  Taking the stairs two at a time, he bounded up to the third floor and frantically snapped his head back and forth as he ran down the hallway reading the numbers on each door, desperately looking for room 312.  He saw the words “TUTORING CENTER” in bold letters before he saw the room number, but he had found his destination either way.  He grabbed the door handle and tried to catch his breath a bit before bursting in.  Pulling the door open, he looked in and spied one lone boy sitting at one of the six long tables in the room. Jongin couldn’t see the boy’s face because he was bent over a notebook and his pencil was scratching quickly across the paper as he appeared to be working diligently.  Jongin huffed because he realized that if this kid was the only one in here, the tutor he was supposed to have met had left and he had missed his appointment.  He was so pissed at himself because this was supposed to be his chance to rescue his failing science grade. 

“Hey kid,” he said to the boy.  “Did all of the tutors leave?” The young man stopped his pencil and even though he kept his head down somewhat, he looked up through his dark bangs at Jongin with a glare.  He had thick, black eyebrows that were knitted together in apparent disdain for having been interrupted.  Despite his fierce appearance, the boy was slight and Jongin wondered if he was one of those genius kids who graduated high school early and started college at 16.  One thing Jongin did know was that by the look on this kid’s face, he had severely pissed him off.

“Who are you looking for?” the boy questioned with an unexpectedly deep voice.

“Uh, hold on,” Jongin said informally as he pulled his backpack off his shoulder and dropped it on the closest table so he could unzip it and search inside.  Finding the paper he needed, he pulled it out and scanned it.  “I am supposed to meet… here it is!  I am supposed to meet Do Kyungsoo for tutoring in chemistry, but I guess he is gone.  Dammit, the asshole could have waited a couple more minutes,” he mumbled as he stuffed the paper down into his backpack and zipped it up a little harshly in his frustration with himself for being late.

“You must be Kim Jongin,” the boy said matter-of-factly.

A little caught off guard that this 16-year-old knew his name, Jongin stammered, “Uhhhh… yeah. That’s me.” The boy reached over to his right and grabbed a set of dark-rimmed glasses and brought them to his face.  As he slid them on, his scowl melted away and he stared up at Jongin with wide eyes and a blank expression.  He took a moment and looked over Jongin from his face all the way down to his shoes and then back up again.  Jongin felt a little uncomfortable, like he was being judged.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo, your tutor, the asshole who did wait for you even though you were late,” the man whom Jongin had thought was a boy announced in a smooth, low voice.  “I’m older than you so you may want to start speaking formally and probably hyung would be a better way to address me rather than ‘hey kid.’”

The only thought that ran through Jongin’s mind was, “ _Aw, fuck.”_


	7. KJI & DKS

Jongin was methodically thumbing through papers and placing each in the appropriate pile at the upper edge of the teacher’s desk at the front of the room. Six rows of five desks each stretched to the back of the room in wait for the new pupils to arrive in just one week. Opened boxes of class sets of novels and textbooks were stacked on the floor next to the bookshelf but were not yet unpacked. The walls were bare of decoration and there was so much organizing to do, but Jongin no longer had the heart for it. All the excitement he had felt just a couple of hours ago had evaporated and his world had pivoted 180 degrees pushing him back to his past, erasing the months and months of the progress of moving on with his life and creating a new future for himself, albeit alone. He thought of how the faculty had seemed so impressed that morning when the principal had him up in the front of the room to introduce him to the staff, and the principal mentioned the publication of Jongin’s first novel. As sounds of awe had lowly rumbled through the room, how could they have realized that the book was borne out of excruciating loneliness and self-imposed exile and the entire writing process had been an attempt on Jongin’s part to work through the shattering he had endured when he lost Kyungsoo and all sense of his own self-worth and identity. His editor had simply loved the tragic heroine of the book, but only Jongin knew that her heartbreak in the tale was based on his own.

The soft knock on the wooden classroom door was one that Jongin had been expecting but had not been looking forward to. In fact, he had spent the better part of the last half hour trying to come up with some excuse to miss this next meeting on his schedule for the week, but it was here. It was time. The door opened hesitantly and someone stepped in, and he thought it had to be Kyungsoo because just about all the women in the language department had already stopped by to see if he needed anything. When the intruder was perfectly silent, he was certain who had entered the room, but he refused to look at his face. Jongin was afraid that the rage that was arising in him towards the man taking tentative steps in his direction would all explode at once, so he clenched his jaw and tried to remain steady as he continued sorting the papers. He was so angry. Kyungsoo had ruined everything, once again, and now he was here to rub it in or make it worse.

Without looking up, Jongin dryly asked, “Since when did you want to be a teacher? What happened to saving the Earth from global warming with that impressive science degree of yours?” There was no answer, no sound at all, not even breathing or the slightest movement. After continued beats of silence, Jongin turned to look at the man who had entered his brand-new classroom and he no longer cared if his face reflected his internal fury. Kyungsoo didn’t see it, however, because he had his eyes lowered. His arms hung loosely by his sides, but his hands were contradictorily clenched in fists. His face had the slightest of grimaces as if he were hiding that he was in pain. Jongin could tell that Kyungsoo as well wished to be any other place than here. The lack of an answer to his questions was increasing Jongin’s feelings of hostility so he demanded, “Why are you here, Kyungsoo?”

“I um…,” Kyungsoo choked out before clearing his throat and then starting again. Still gazing at the floor, he stumbled out the words, “I’m here for our mentor meeting.”

Starting to give into the anger, Jongin huffed and pushed harder, “I already know that Kyungsoo. I am keenly aware that you are here, that you are a teacher, that you teach science, but I don’t understand why.” He stopped for a moment for a steadying breath and continued, “To the contrary, I am here because I was always supposed to be here. Right here, Kyungsoo. In a classroom, in front of the rows of desks, as a teacher, but not you, Kyungsoo.” Jongin observed how Kyungsoo’s face flinched as Jongin spit out point by point what was wrong with this unreal scenario. Allowing himself to speak his dismay aloud was blowing life into the coals of Jongin’s anger, turning them red with heat. “This was always my plan, and you always looked down on me for wanting to be ‘just a teacher’, so why…”

“That’s not true!” Kyungsoo hissed out defensively as his eyes jolted upward from the floor and finally met Jongin’s. “I never looked down on you for wanting to be a teacher, ever. Jongin… Jongin, you know that,” he desperately emphasized, with his eyes pleading with Jongin’s for confirmation of his innocence. “I know at the time probably I said something like I didn’t understand it, but maybe that was because I was still a student myself then and I didn’t get… I didn’t get why… why anyone our age didn’t just want out, just out of school and away from that system. Jongin, I…” Kyungsoo faltered and had to pause. Shoving his hands deep in his pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking, he moved his eyes to stare out the window to take some deep breaths and then slowly blow them out while thinking about any possible distraction in what he realized was an attempt to not cry. He didn’t think he was going to make it. The tears were right there – they were being pushed forward by raw repressed emotions that had been shuttered away, but never resolved. He couldn’t allow himself to cry, though he was terrified that he was going to. He was the one that their circle of friends had always said was the one who never cried, the manliest one out of all of them, the strict and stoic one, except when it came to Jongin. There, he always stumbled.

There was no fooling Jongin though because he was the one who had seen Kyungsoo cry before and Jongin detected the signs now. No matter how angry he was at Kyungsoo, he could never maintain it for long and even now it began to pull at him how desperate Kyungsoo looked as he stared out the window. Taking in a breath himself, he stated simply, “You know this isn’t going to work, right? You being my mentor, taking care of me, telling me what I’m doing wrong…” He paused and added, “judging me… we’ve tried that.”

Kyungsoo steeled himself against Jongin’s insinuations and answered, “It has to work. I already spoke with Mrs. Kim. She said that considering the new concerns about sexual harassment, scandals, and stories on the news, it’s the new policy that all male new teachers must have a male mentor and the women must have a female mentor. There’s no way to switch you out with someone else.”

Jongin snickered sarcastically and quipped, “Well, talk about irony in the face of social progress. Does she know that she has put a gay man in charge of the new guys? The fresh new meat on campus? That might give everyone around here the best politically incorrect gossip of the season. Does she know your dirty little secret or are you straight now?” He mockingly looked at Kyungsoo with his eyebrows raised like he truly expected an answer to that question.

“Homosexuality is still considered immoral behavior by school districts’ policies and is cause for dismissal, but you already know that,” Kyungsoo said as he began to collect himself. He considered that maybe if he could keep talking about general facts and stay away from any discussion that touched on their past, he might get through this with his dignity intact instead of breaking down in front of Jongin. “There are several gay men on staff here, and I am sure some people suspect, but it is never talked about. The ladies were always hanging all over you in college, and there are plenty of beautiful and single ones here who would be willing to do the same, so you should blend in fine.” Jongin was unsure if that was a dig or a shot at him or if Kyungsoo was indeed being serious about how he should attempt to appear straight for the sake of his job. Kyungsoo could see the slight question in his eyes, so he continued in what he hoped was a business type voice, devoid of emotion, “The other guys on campus seem to do alright. Two of the guys are dating but no one seems to really gossip about it because they play it pretty cool and they are in the same department so there is no surprise when they are always seen together.” Jongin seemed satisfied that Kyungsoo was not trying to goad him, so he now was the one who turned away and began staring out the windows at nothing, trying to keep himself steady.

“I know you aren’t going to believe me Jongin,” Kyungsoo ventured, “but I actually hope you like it here.” Jongin huffed audibly and shook his head slightly like what Kyungsoo was suggesting was ridiculous. “The staff is great, the kids are great, the food in the cafeteria and the paychecks aren’t great, but I guess that’s expected.”

“Now is not the time for the state of public education jokes and small talk, Kyungsoo,” Jongin answered somewhat more softly because his anger towards the man in front of him was sifting away and he was starting to feel the cutting of the shards of glass still in his heart from the last time he had spoken to Kyungsoo, albeit over two full years ago and almost seven months, but who was counting? “You never answered me. Why are you here and how is this possible? If I remember correctly, you had several solid job offers and you were staying in Seoul, where all the corporate headquarters of the big companies are based.”

Kyungsoo’s demeanor was beginning to soften as well, but he was still focused on anything besides facing Jongin as he began, “Yeah, I signed for a position with Hyundai before I even graduated. I thought the job was going to be in research and product development for reducing carbon emissions for their vehicles.” Kyungsoo stopped for a moment for a whiff of a laugh and dared to glance up at Jongin. “As you said, I was going to save the world from global warming.” Not getting even the slightest glance or reaction from Jongin, he continued, “However, after six months of getting coffee for meetings, running copies, and doing scut work like looking up stats on the Internet that even the general public could find, I had a conversation with a guy who had the same position as me, but he’d been there four years already. He told me that’s how it works. Everyone has to stay at the bottom and scratch around and do nothing until the company decides if they can trust you or if they are going to surplus you right out the front door.”

Kyungsoo paused for a moment and Jongin ventured a glance in his direction to try to read his face because Kyungsoo didn’t talk much, but when he did, it was important. He could see the definite disappointment written there as Kyungsoo continued with his story. “I had seen an ad in the back of a trade magazine about the shortage of science teachers and a program that would hire science majors immediately and allow them to earn their teaching credentials while doing something like an internship while actually teaching classes and earning a full salary. It even offered a signing bonus right up front.” Kyungsoo shoved his hands back in his pockets again and used the toe of his shoe to try to scuff off an imaginary spot on the floor as he still kept his eyes lowered in discomfort and he almost apologetically said, “I didn’t pick this school. The program just sent me here and I loved it so much that I stayed.”

Jongin continued to stare at Kyungsoo as he tried to rectify this now soft-spoken man who seemed so regretful as compared to the strong-willed and decisive college science major who was sure that he was right about everything and whom he had first met in the science tutoring lab at Seoul University. This different Kyungsoo spoke up again, “I know you are not going to believe this either, but I’m sorry that this happened to you today. I am sure this day meant so much to you, and this is not how you planned it would go. My classroom is in a completely different building so you won’t have to see me much. I’ll try to keep any mentor meetings we are forced to have to the bare minimum and maybe you can do most of the projects on your own or with Minseok without my help and I am sure they will be fine. I won’t even read them or review them, I promise. I will just give them straight to Kim Hye-ja.” With that, Kyungsoo turned and softly stepped to the door of the classroom without ever lifting his eyes. He pulled the door open to slip out and after he had exited, Jongin could see only a slice of him through the opening as he made sure the door closed gently with his help instead of letting it slam on its own.

Jongin sat in his new desk chair, still staring at the closed door. This time it was Kyungsoo who had walked out and Jongin was left behind. Once again, he wondered what Kyungsoo had thought and felt the day Jongin had closed the apartment door and walked away. Without any words from Kyungsoo, Jongin never knew. What Jongin did know was, at this moment, right now in the present day, he felt a familiar ripping through his chest that he thought he had brought under control through sheer force of will and the blessing of time to heal. His hand was shaking as he reached across his desk and picked up his cell phone that was lying there. Swiping the screen, he entered his passcode and quickly found his contacts, immediately pressing the icon for the first number listed under “Favorites.”

It only took a moment for the call to connect after the first ring and Jongin heard an excited, “Jonginnie!! How is your first day? Tell me everything! Is it going well? Are they being nice to you? If not, who do I need to beat up?” After a giggle, only silence followed. Jongin swallowed repeatedly but still couldn’t seem to take in any air to answer. “Jongin? Are you there?” the voice inquired.

“Yeah, noona,” Jongin choked out. “I guess it’s going okay, but…” he faltered.

“But, what? Jongin, what’s wrong?” the female voice demanded.

“Noona? I don’t…it’s just…” he mumbled.

“Kim Jongin, you tell me now. What is wrong? Are you sick?” the female asked with rising panic.

No longer able to hold himself back from the flood of all of the remembered sorrow, Jongin was able to force out a broken, “Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo works here,” and he heard a gasp over the connection as he gave in to the grief that spilled from his eyes and down his smooth cheeks.


	8. KJI & The Shinee Boys - Flashback

Over the next two days, Jongin had become increasingly more anxious about his chemistry class and how he was going to survive.  After sitting through the class on Wednesday and understanding nothing, he knew that an F was in his future if he didn’t act fast.  The problem was that on Tuesday he had ruined any chance of getting help by alienating his designated tutor in record time.  He thought about asking his professor for a different person to help him, but he threw out that idea because it would seem ungrateful that someone had offered to help him, but now he was being picky.  When he got back to his dorm after his chemistry class, he had thrown himself onto his bunk bed and whined out the details about the disastrous tutoring session to his roommate and best friend, Lee Taemin.  Taemin had listened patiently and told Jongin that he really didn’t have a choice – go back to the science tutoring lab, be on time, be polite, and do everything he was told.  Jongin didn’t like that answer and was hoping to come up with something different.

Now, it was Thursday.  The problem with that was, Tuesdays and Thursdays were designated as Tutor Torture Days, as Jongin had decided to name them.  He also decided that T was now his least favorite letter.  It was nearing the hour that he needed to head over to the science building but for now, it was time for lunch in his usual spot on campus.  He and his close friends always gathered at a set of tables near the Student Union building.  He was trying to enjoy what he thought might be his last meal, but his stomach was upset from nerves, so everything tasted like soggy paper.  He chewed the food that he had in his mouth with disgust and then threw the rest of the sandwich down on the wrapper on the table.  With bat-like sonar hearing, Minho heard the sandwich hit the paper which might be an indication of discarded food to his every-ready stomach and said, “Are you going to finish that?” with an expectant look on his face.

“Nah, go ahead hyung.  You can have it,” Jongin said as he pushed the food towards Minho on the opposite side of the picnic table.  Minho grabbed the triangle of bread and meat and took a bite that made about half of it disappear.  This did nothing to settle Jongin’s stomach and just watching Minho chew made him utter, “gross…” under his breath.

“Isn’t about time for you to leave Nini?” Taemin asked as he turned to give Jongin a very pointed look with one arched and recriminating eyebrow.

Kibum finally glanced up from the list of questions he was trying to finish for his next class and looked puzzled.  “I thought you didn’t have any afternoon classes on Thursdays,” he stated more like a question.

Taemin beat Jongin to an answer and with his most wicked smile announced, “He is meeting his science tutor today.”  Immediately all food and papers were forgotten and Minho and Kibum descended on Jongin at once with absolute glee.

“That’s today?  Are you serious?” Minho blurted out.

“Can we go? Oh my god.  I have to see this,” Kibum added.  Turning to Minho he said, “Seriously man, we should go.  This is going to be good.”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely!” Minho agreed with an enthusiastic nod of his head.

Jongin looked absolutely scandalized, turned and accused Taemin, “You told them?!” With a whine, he added, “Why?  Why are you like this?” Taemin just maintained his smile and let Minho and Kibum lead the harassment.

Kibum started with, “Okay, wait.  Wait.  I want to hear this from the beginning.”

“No!” Jongin insisted. “Why would I want to relive that?  See Taemin?” he asked as he turned to his roommate.  “This is why you should never tell them anything!”

Almost bouncing in his seat, Minho cried, “Okay!  Okay!  Start from the part where you were going over there.  We want to hear it from the start.”  Jongin was now so sorry he had tried to explain his side of the story to Taemin because now Minho and Kibum were ganging up on him.  He should have known that nothing was sacred to Taemin, and in despair and defeat, he placed his head down on the picnic table hoping, although he knew it was useless, that they might take pity on him and leave him alone.

“So, you were 15 minutes late?” Kibum asked just to clarify.

“You are talking to Kim Jongin.  Of course he was late,” Taemin verified without ever taking his eyes off the screen of his smartphone.

“And you started off the conversation to someone you had no idea was older than you with ‘Hey kid’?” Kibum continued.

“Yep,” Taemin interjected.

Wanting to join in on the torture, Minho swung his legs over the bench of the picnic table so that he could face Jongin directly, leaned his head down so he was in Jongin’s line of vision, and added, “And, you called him an asshole before you even knew who he was?”

“Stop!” Jongin groaned as he picked up his head and switched it to the other side, so he didn’t have to look at Minho’s stupid smiling face anymore.  “If you already know the whole story, why are you even asking me?”

“Don’t forget the part where Jongin forgot his science notebook in our dorm room, so he had nothing to work on and the tutor sent him away,” Taemin added.

“HA!  Oh my god!  That’s great!” Minho screamed with laughter and pounded his hand on the picnic table.  The vibration of Minho’s blows to the wooden planks and the continued peals of laughter from his three supposedly best friends forced Jongin to pick his head up off the table and sit up.  When Jongin was again upright, Minho gleefully smiled in his faced and prodded, “Were you embarrassed?  Was it bad?  What did he say exactly?”

“You guys suck.  You know that, right?” Jongin informed them.  “You are supposed to take care of me and help me when I am sad or in trouble or anything!  Is this how you hyungs treat your maknae?” He huffed as he crossed his arms across his chest and held his mouth in a small pout.  Minho slowed his laughing a bit and patted Jongin’s arm with the same offending hand that had been pounding on the wood.

“I’m sorry,” Kibum said as he slipped next to Jongin on the bench and draped an arm across his shoulder.  He imitated Jongin’s pout just slightly and said, “We tease you because we love you, but you really fucked up on this one Nini.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jongin admitted as he hung his head.  “And, you don’t even know the worst part.  This guy is scary, like stab you in the neck in your sleep scary.  He looked at me like he was going to murder me as soon as I walked in the door.”

“After you started talking, he probably wanted to kill you even more,” Minho added as he tried to talk around a bite of the sandwich he had continued eating.

“No, seriously!” Jongin protested.  “I hadn’t even done anything yet and he looked at me like this.”  Jongin dropped his chin and looked out underneath his eyebrows that were tightly clenched together in a scowl.  He made sure to turn to each one of his friends so they could feel the full brunt of the intimidating look so that they could appreciate what he had endured two days before.

“Damn, boy!  Stop with that face.  You are making me uncomfortable,” Kibum complained.

Taemin turned to Jongin and asked, “So, what have you decided to do?  Are you going to your appointment or not?”

“I don’t want to go to tutoring with that hyung,” Jongin pouted.

Minho had finally finished eating and he gave Jongin a now serious face before he started in with his opinion.  “Since you say we are supposed to take care of you, this is what you need to do,” he said. “Everyone has to take a basic science credit, no matter what their major is.  If you fail it this semester, you will just have to take it again next semester and pay the tuition for it all over again.  Your professor could have failed you, but you got lucky and you get this chance.  That’s actually pretty cool of him and you should take advantage of this deal he is giving you.”

“How about this,” Taemin offered. “I have to go to that side of campus anyway, so I’ll walk you over to the building and then when your tutoring session is over, I’ll come pick up the pieces of your dead body and drag them back to the dorm. Just don’t get blood on me.”

Jongin glared at his roommate and snapped back, “Very funny, Taemin, but okay.  One thing though, you can’t be late picking me up! I don’t want to spend one more second in the room with that guy than I have to.”

“Okay, okay crybaby. Let’s go so you are not late again,” Taemin said as he gathered up all his books on the picnic table and stuffed them in his backpack.  Jongin stood up too and crinkled up the wrappers from his lunch and picked up his drink to finish off the rest of it before he threw the cup and the wrappers in the trash.  Minho and Kibum stood as well and gathered their belongings to head to their own respective classes. 

They both wished Jongin luck and gave him a wave as they walked away and Jongin gave them a weak, “Thanks hyungs,” in return.  He sighed and looked at Taemin and said, “Okay, let’s go.  If I die, tell my family I love them.”  Taemin just smiled and tugged the unwilling student in the direction of the science building.


	9. KJI & DKS - Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for this bear doodle goes to the artist, the real Kim Jongin, a man of many talents.

 

Jongin took great comfort in knowing that this time he was not late as he climbed the three flights of stairs and went to room 312. He at least had corrected one mistake. When he opened the door, he immediately saw his tutor sitting in the exact same spot he had been in last week and he was in almost the exact same position, moving his pencil quickly along his paper as he worked. This time, however, there were two other students in the room, an older boy tutoring an obviously clueless freshman girl who looked like she was about to cry, _“Me too, girl,”_ Jongin thought to himself, _“Me too.”_

Since he already knew who he was meeting this time, he went straight to the table where his tutor sat. He thought he should probably walk around to the other side of the table and sit down in the chair that was obviously meant for him, but he stood at the front of the table instead and tried to decide if he should clear his throat or say something to announce he was there instead. Fear kept him from being bold enough to sit down without being asked and it also kept him silent. He didn’t have a chance to contemplate his choices any longer because his tutor raised his eyes and looked up at him.

“Hey Jongin, you made it and you’re on time,” Do Kyungsoo said as his eyes turned to happy crescents and an appreciative smile bloomed across his face. Jongin was suddenly even more terrified because just exactly what kind of trick was this monster of an instructor trying to pull with this split-personality evil magic and oh wow, was Kyungsoo cute when he smiled.

“Uh, uh… yeah,” was all Jongin could muster in his confusion and amazement.

Kyungsoo maintained his smile and motioned to the seat next to him with his head and said, “Come sit down and we’ll get to work,” as he started clearing his own books and supplies in front of him so that they would have room for Jongin’s science homework. Jongin moved immediately to round the end of the table and sit down because then he would no longer have to be standing right in front of Kyungsoo in his rattled state. “Did you remember your notebook this time?” Kyungsoo asked with almost gentle concern.

Jongin had only prepared defense mechanisms to shield himself from contempt, criticism, scolding, and perhaps even violence so he did not have his guard up against unanticipated kindness. Once again, all he could come up with was, “Uh… yeah,” when he pulled out the seat and sat down as Kyungsoo finished removing his own materials from the table.

A few beats of stillness went by and nothing happened. Kyungsoo turned his head to look at Jongin sitting perfectly still in the chair and chuckled a bit when he asked, “Are you going to get it out?”

Jumping a bit, Jongin suddenly blurted, “Oh yeah, of course!” while snatching his backpack off the floor and quickly unzipping the main compartment. He reached inside to search around for a moment and then pulled out a green three-ring binder. “Here it is,” he said as casually as possible, even though his nerves were on fire, as he set it on the table in front of them both. Sitting alone on the wide expanse of the otherwise empty table, the notebook had nowhere to hide. Yes, the notebook was green but was certainly no longer the same bright hue as it had been when it was originally pulled from the store shelf. The cover was populated with swirls of black with bold lines that eventually tapered off into mere ghosts of ink as if someone were trying to test several pens to see if they were still able to write. The once straight front cover had a slight bend right down the middle that sent the edge angling up away from the back cover. There was really no need for the cover to close anyway because a tumbling mass of crisscrossed papers with jutted out triangle corners with no alignment framed the edges of the notebook and looked more like the sides of a plate of nachos than anything to do with academia.

“Wow,” was all Kyungsoo said. “This is your science notebook?”

Jongin answered, “Of course, because green is for science because of nature and stuff. Language is always blue because the right words can be soothing and soft and math is red because math makes me angry. Black is always for history because the past holds the darkness of man.” He glanced at Kyungsoo to see if he was following him on this train of thought but Kyungsoo was just staring at him with wide eyes. Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious at his own ramblings, Jongin softly added, “Uh yeah, that’s just how it goes.”

After listening to that explanation, Kyungsoo had a little bit more respect for the amassed chaos in front of him and asked Jongin, “May I look inside?”

“Sure,” Jongin said. Motioning to the notebook he added, “Help yourself.”

Kyungsoo gingerly slid the notebook towards himself and opened the front cover. He picked up the first piece of lined paper and scanned it quickly. “Okay,” he said. “This one is notes. Let’s start a pile for those right over here,” he continued as he placed the sheet above the notebook and to the left. After picking up the second sheet and examining it he stated, “This one is a lab. Let’s start a second pile here,” and placed it straight above the notebook. He determined that the next paper was also notes so he placed it in the first pile without comment. The next item down was a set of papers from a copy machine that was stapled together. “Here, this is a handout. Let’s put those here,” Kyungsoo decided as he placed the items in a pile above the notebook, but now to the right.

Jongin had his elbow on the table and was supporting his head by leaning his cheek into his hand. He had yet to glance at a single piece of paper that Kyungsoo had sorted and instead just stared at Kyungsoo as he organized Jongin’s work. He had also taken no note of which pile was which at the head of the table because instead, he had been concentrating on waiting for Kyungsoo to speak occasionally because he liked the way Kyungsoo’s lips pursed out just the tiniest bit on certain sounds and syllables. He was content to relax and wait for Kyungsoo to make his next comment because he was confident that his science papers were in very capable hands.

After picking up the next document, Kyungsoo paused as he tried to determine where this next item should be sorted. He stared at the margin and moved it a bit closer to his face for a better look. “What is… what is in the corner here?” he asked. “Is that a drawing of a bear?” He angled the paper in Jongin’s direction so that he could see the doodle as well.

“Yeah, that’s a bear,” Jongin confirmed without much reaction.

“Did you draw it? Here? On your science notes?” Kyungsoo asked with interest.

“Yes,” Jongin answered simply.

Kyungsoo angled the paper back to himself and once again held it close to his face and squinted his eyes to try to read the writing. After giving up, he asked, “What is he saying?”

Kyungsoo did not offer the paper this time for Jongin to see, so he leaned in to see it for himself because he could no longer remember what he had written. “Oh,” Jongin said as he once again saw what he wrote and explained, “He is saying he’s sleepy.”

With obvious pure amusement on his face, Kyungsoo said through his smile, “Were you sleepy that day when you drew this?”

“Yes, hyung,” Jongin whined. “I am always sleepy in there. My science class is really early.”

A little perplexed, Kyungsoo asked, “Aren’t you in Dr. Lee’s 10:00 Monday/Wednesday Chem 101 class?”

“Yes, I am,” Jongin confirmed, “and that is way too early to be doing molecular equations.” He had an affronted look on his face as if his class schedule and the required learning objectives were wholly unjust and unfair. Kyungsoo could no longer hold himself back and he broke out into a deep laugh that resonated from his chest. His smile and eyes were gleaming with simple delight and Jongin was certain that he had never seen anything this beautiful up close. His eyes became transfixed on Kyungsoo’s mouth and he blurted out the only thought in his mind and said, “Your lips form a heart when you smile.” Seized by instant embarrassment, he panicked, and his eyes shot up and locked with Kyungsoo’s.

Despite what Jongin had expected and feared, Kyungsoo’s face softened and almost shyly he said, “That’s what everyone always tells me, especially my mom.” It was in that moment that Jongin’s heart stirred and he wanted to have that heart-shaped smile be for him, and only for him, forever.


End file.
